Monday, August 20, 2012

This Woman Is From Mars

I love to watch true crime TV shows.  I love 48 Hours Mystery, Dateline, Snapped, etc.  I get caught up in the stories, especially the ones where one spouse kills another.

Matt hates that I watch these shows.  He just doesn't understand the appeal.  I'm not quite sure why I love them either.  Part of it, I guess, is that most of the shows are produced and aired after someone has been tried and convicted of the crime, so there is some feeling of vindication and justice, some security in thinking that in the end, people don't get away with committing these crimes (though I know that it does happen, at least on these shows, it usually doesn't).

One day last week, I was watching Deadly Women on Netflix when Matt joined me on the couch and watched (suffered through) the last 15 minutes of an episode.  One of the people on the show was describing the deadly woman being profiled, saying "She used all her feminine wiles to get her way, to get all the things that she wanted."  I looked at Matt and said:

me:  Do I use my feminine wiles to get my way?

Matt: (immediately)  No.

me:  You answered that with no hesitation.

Matt:  You don't even have any feminine wiles.

me:  I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult.

Matt:  It's neither.

me:  Do you want me to have some feminine wiles?

Matt:  What if I say that I do?  What are you going to do?  Read a book?  Watch a video?

Well, yes, smartypants.  I am.  I found a blog that tells me how to use my feminine wiles.  Here it is.  It sounds really stupid, but if I have to, I have to.

How to Use Your Feminine Wiles

How to Use Your Feminine Wiles
By Terry Mulligan, eHow User
Using your feminine wiles to create a spark in a new or existing relationship should not be a bad thing. On a first date, it's refreshing to see the feminine side of a woman. In an existing relationship, it's good to hold on to your feminine side -- but, never in a contrived way. Being an alluring woman should never mean being trashy or dishonest. It should just be a catalyst to sparking a possible attraction.

Things You'll Need (Tap on items you have)


Steps (Tap on step to mark as complete)

    Be mysterious. Only reveal partial information about yourself. Tell your man he's not ready for all of you -- although you wish he was.
    Dress feminine and slightly revealing. Wear slightly revealing clothing like a sweater innocently failing down one shoulder -- never something totally see-through. Wear stilettos -- even with jeans -- if you dare.
    Have a light, flirty touch. Flirting shouldn't be obvious. It should be incidental by a quick, simple, soft touch. It should leave your man wanting more, not overwhelmed with too much upfront contact.
    Speak like a lady. If your date wanted a truck driver, he'd visit a truck stop. Feminine wiles should not have a masculine undertone in speech or word.
    Be a little naughty, but honest and nice. Only suggest what you're able to offer. A little teasing can go a long way but it's only nice to be honest about what you'd like to do.
    Smile, even if when you're not. Everyone wants to share pleasant moments. Even if you're frowning in disagreement or playfully pouting, smile with your eyes -- it shows respect for the man's strength and opinion.

Tips & Warnings

  • Letting light-hearted conversation flow is all part of enjoying each other -- at any stage in a relationship.
  • Being yourself should always be put above trying to stimulate attention.
Uh, does anyone think that last one is little contradictory to the rest of the article?  I do, but I'm going to ignore that "ping" in my head, put on my feminine, flirty clothes, smile with my eyes, be naughty, but keep my language clean and keep some secrets.  And TOTALLY lose my mind in the process. 

I think that I'll just be happy that I'm wile-less.  Matt, I love you, but I can't wile my way around you.

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